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~early morning~ Sunday, 16th February 2003
it feels like my body is still running on Indian time, i was sleepy yesterday afternoon and evening and am now wide awake while the rest of the world is still dozing. but it is okay, this way i get to see the winter moon lighting the first hazy silent colours of dawn, and it makes me feel like being right there in the here and now.
right there in the here and now ~ that is probably the way i walked through my days in India, where i learned to take things like they are without wishing for something else, and even sort of felt fine with those hot and bumpy bus rides, with cold showers and with upset stomachs. no joke... guess what someone said to me on that day I was sick: "enjoy"... and we laughed and said yes true, you just have to have a bad stomach once and you should really go through it and feel it and live it, if for nothing else then at least for the experience "doing things just for the experience"... that is a very Indian travel feeling. you do things so you know how they feel, not to judge, but just to have them done and to know. travelling in India anyway is not about loving or hating it, but about going through it, just as life is not about clinging to sweet seconds and running from lonely hours, but about living, about going through every day consciously
so that is roughly how i feel at the moment: dusted and grounded. well balanced from the inside. feeling stronger than ever that there is no such thing as coincidence and that everything in life happen for a reason ~ and feeling lesser than before the need to know the reasons and the answers. ~sunrise
vibes~
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