~the last piece of the puzzle~

Sunday, 2nd March 2003

dear friend,

i'm still a bit blue, but lighter in my head after receiving two mails from friends who reflected on me and my situation. the one said:

"There is something inside you that rebels against a perfectly ordered world, because that order would make you grow stale. You have to always be searching, you can never put the last piece of the puzzle in place."

and it is true. there is something inside me that will always question the world inside and outside me, and this is what makes me go on and on, what turns endings into beginnings. makes me pack by bags and go travelling and take pictures and send out travelogues and come home and work with the memories. makes me read. makes me write ... i finished the novel i was working on last year, catstory, all is set and ready to send itl out to literary agencies now. and in a way i can't wait for it. and in another way i am afraid of the piles of "no sorry" letters that will return, am afraid to fall into this hole in my soul that already paints question marks on the walls.

i already know the answer to them, though. then keep on keeping on.

then go on searching for another pices of the puzzle and another piece and yet another piece, while the colours of my soul keep changing, just like the other mail described it:

"The waves of India vibes are still in your veins.
It's a buzz that stays with you and changes with each week."

~~coloured vibes~~
Do

next: paper tigers

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