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~paper tigers~ Monday, 3rd March 2003
so here it is. the day i longed for. the day i dreaded. the day the novel i wrote in the last months is finished and the letter to the publisher is written. the day that the story that was my story for so long is now about to leave my house and will leave me back home sitting solitary, waiting for a reaction, for the steps of the mailman in the morning, for the you've-got-email bell in my computer, for the ring of the telephone in the afternoon, for anything, for everything. and as i am not very good at sitting and waiting i sit here and write, as things have a tendency to change perspective when you write about them, they get a bit more real and at the same time a bit more abstract, they loose their invisibility, they turn into black inky signs that turn into paper tigers that pace on a page instead of being mind clouds that circle in my head. well at least sometimes.
today i will put together the first letter, the first of many letters, the other ones will follow in a daily rhythm, one after another, throughout the whole month of March, and into April. one letter to be sent and one letter to be written each day, that is the way i am going to do it, to make sure that there is always another envelope filled with hope here on my desk, that there is always another chance to go already waiting in case a "no sorry" letter is pulling me down. today is also the first Monday in the month of March in the year '03, which makes a triple three for the date, the 03.03.03. i like things like that, it seems to be just right for a day like this, a day that feels like a new chapter in a way, a chapter that at the moment is still hiding its colours behind a grey rainy sky. but that is just right also, as i rather like chapters to start slow and concealed, so that they have space to gather speed and unwind in unexpected directions.
...she said as she took the last sip of her cup of tea, just as the CD reached the last note of the last song, telling her that it's enough diary for today anyway. reluctantly she let go off the keys, let go off the words, and turned back to the world beyond the letters... ~three
smiles~ |
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